Funny Baseball Quotes

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Earl Wilson

When they start the game, they don yell, ball. They say, ball. Stargell, 1981

When we played softball, I steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Woody Allen

A baseball park is the one place where a man wife doesn mind his getting excited over somebody else curves.

Brendan Francis

There have been only two geniuses in the world. Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare.

Tallulah Bankhead

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.

Dick Gregory

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs.

Harry Caray

Confucius say: Baseball wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.

Author Unknown

With the money I making, I should be playing two positions.

Pete Rose, 1977

Andre Dawson has a bruised knee and is listed as day-to-day. Aren we all?

Vin Scully

Cricket is baseball on valium.

Robin Williams

Finish last in your league and they call you Idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you Doctor.

Abe Lemons

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.

Dizzy Dean

I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-0 count on the batter a rally.

Rich Donnelly, minor league manager

Let no one accuse baseball of not being tough on drugs. During his baseball career, Steve Howe was given 7 lifetime suspensions.

Bill Ferraro, baseball fan.

I could never play in New York. The first time I came into a game there, I got into the bullpen car and they told me to lock the doors.

Mike Flanagan, Baltimore Orioles

On his own scouting report: deceptive. Slower than he looks.

Joe Garagiola

A lot of things run through your head when you going in to relieve in a tight spot. One of them was, I spike myself?

Lefty Gomez

Three more saves and he ties John the Baptist.

Hank Greenwald, on Bruce Sutter

Compiled by Aron Wallad